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This is something you need to sit down with your wife and discuss at the first opportunity, if for no other reason than your own happiness. She WILL be sending money home. For many different reasons. You need to work something out as soon as you can.
When my wife Joy first arrived here, she was lucky enough to get a job in the first month of her being here. And her first paycheck was sent home. I had planned to put that money toward our first food bill and fill up the pantry. She had planned to send it home. Now seeing as how i had done a little research on the Philippine Culture before i was able to get my wife here, i knew what was coming. Right then and there we sat down and had a talk about how much money she was planning to send home, how often, and for how long. We worked out a schedule and have kept to it, pretty much, for a little over two years now. Right now one check goes home and one check goes to our own family budget. So she is sending half of her wages home. She has been doing this for two years.
Of course not everything goes according to plan, and sometimes something will pop up at home where she needs to send an extra check. That is fine. But when that happens, we get back on schedule as soon as possible, and keep the emergencies to a minimum.
Most of the money is going to build a house for the family in Baguio and to pay for schooling and University for her brothers and sisters. Well the house is close to being finished. So the plan is getting close to being done. Now, just some more schooling to pay for.
Of course like i said, there is always emergencies to deal with. The main one is medical emergencies. I sometimes wonder how the people there survive a medical emergency. It costs so damn much. The whole medical system is so currupt. It costs a fortune to treat someone there that i wonder how anyone can afford it based on what the average pay is for a Philippine citizen there. That will always stay a mystery to me though. Oh well.
But back to our agreement. When we sat down and discussed what we would do we decided on two years of no questions asked sending money home. Then in the third year we would continue to send money home, but slowly decrease how much. After three years we would start to save for our own family. We are now into the third year of our agreement. So far we have had very few disagreements over money.
You may find that even though you make an agreement regarding sending money home, that your lovely wife will make plans to send more money home whenever something pops up at home and will not let you know until she actually gets paid. I had that happen a couple of times. It can be really difficult if you are on a tight budget. You are planning to spend money on groceries with her check and when you get home she says lets go to the western union, i need to send money home. All you can say is what???? These plans come up when she calls home and she finds out about some emergency and does not want to tell me until the last minute in case i get mad. It took me a few times to make her understand that i get madder when she makes these plans without letting me know until the last minute because i end up having to juggle our bills and hope we can get through the next couple of weeks until payday. But we ended up having to sit down and talk this out after the first three times.
The best you can do is put a smile on your face and struggle through it. So don't be afraid to have that money talk as soon as you can, and get some guidelines set out so you don't have issues popping up all the time regarding money. There is nothing that will tear your family apart more than argueing about money, and her not being able to help out her family. And if you have been married for two years or more, then your family too now.
So honey, when you talk to mom tonight, give her my love, ask how the house is coming, and see how your brothers and sisters are doing in school. Love ya Babe....
I am married to a filipina and I feel like her family sees me as a piggy bank to shake when they fall on hard times. Its 8yrs and she still cant understand that we have to take care of our kids first. I dont mind helping once in a while, but I grew up poor, worked since I was 11, paid for my own school, without any leg-ups. I dont feel sorry for them. In many ways, they have more than I did growing up. I am the sole provider so when she sneaks money off, it makes me feel like she cares about them enough to violate our trust.
ReplyDeleteHi mick here I realate to that's I'm engaged to a fillipno girl 3 years an we are having problems over money now I've been helping her over 2 years while she on off rice work she has been offered work but not take it an she been demands a new phone foods etc now I've explained to her I'm on a low wage budget I do what I can but she not understand but she says she gets English so when I say to make the last amounts last she dont want to know she tell me change subject and we fight an I hate doing that its wrong all I'm try to do is get a point across then she theaten to cut her self then post pic to make me feel guilty so how do I handle this for she knew when we met that I had been burned multiple time an promise but never keep
DeleteHi mick here I realate to that's I'm engaged to a fillipno girl 3 years an we are having problems over money now I've been helping her over 2 years while she on off rice work she has been offered work but not take it an she been demands a new phone foods etc now I've explained to her I'm on a low wage budget I do what I can but she not understand but she says she gets English so when I say to make the last amounts last she dont want to know she tell me change subject and we fight an I hate doing that its wrong all I'm try to do is get a point across then she theaten to cut her self then post pic to make me feel guilty so how do I handle this for she knew when we met that I had been burned multiple time an promise but never keep
DeleteLOL. Get rid of your wife, thats what i did.
ReplyDeleteGood article, but I put a smile on my face for over two years and struggled through countless events that could have been avoided... It's not worth the health and psychological issues that follow. My wife did this same tactic for 10 years and she has all the scars to prove it. What kind of family would sell their daughter off to abusing employers and tell their child that she needs to stay there like she was some sort of animal? What's worse, when my wife tries to control the lives of her siblings her parents say "leave them alone, let them live their own lives". Yet, her parents love to stand on our doorstep and tell my wife what she needs to do with our money (it usually involves the money ending up in their pockets).
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I finally had enough two months ago. My wife went behind my back and started up a restaurant in the city. She used up our entire life savings for that stupid restaurant in order to just hand it over to her family for their future success. My in-laws gladly participated in helping run the restaurant, but became extremely frustrated when my wife continued to manage the restaurant in order to get it off the ground. My wife's parents cursed her and destroyed the interior of the restaurant! My wife came home crying and distraught following their "thanks" for her hard work and backstabbing.
Here's what i did to make sure no one ever tried to mess with my family ever again. First, make a public display to the offenders, I punched some holes in the wall in front of everyone as a daily reminder that we will no longer give up a comfortable lifestyle to support my socialist in-laws. Second, I sat down with my wife to have a nice long "chat" about her life and how her family was to blame for our family's bankruptcy and problems (best time to change your Filipina wife's mind is when she is at her most vulnerable, otherwise, you're wasting your breath).
Careful on the first step, Filipino police are notorious for making up fake laws to make a quick "get out of jail" bribe buck. Always be alert for flaws in your wife's family, think of it as support for a later argument when her family screws her over in the future.
Educated Filipina from middle class family are not interested of old western men . So what you expect you married filipina from lower class family .
ReplyDeleteit's so disgusting to see old western men with young pinays. These men are greedy, selfish and aren't able to treat a woman like a lady. It's not surpising that they can't find a girl from their own country - beautiful, independent western women don't need these losers. It's too bad that filipinas have such a low self esteem.
ReplyDeleteYour funny and a idiot at the same time. I am 55 year old white guy, handsome and have more money then I could spend in a lifetime. Woman of all races and ages get in line and these are some of the most articulate woman you will ever in life. Woman are woman don't matter the age and men are man don't matter the age either. I am currently dating a 24 year old white blond woman here in Florida I met at a stock holders meeting in Pennsylvania. Get a life looser I choose the life I want to live not you.
DeleteI brought my fiancee to USA and first thing she did with the money I gave her for her personal expenses was send it home to her father. I immediately knew this was going to be a problem and I then decided that I was not going to marry her at the end of the 90-day fiancee visa period. I convinced her to go back home and study cooking (I am paying for it) and to consider the trip a vacation in the USA. Poor people anywhere expect to be taken cared of by others. I am not about to become a "Stupid American." This is what Americans who support large filipino families are called back in Philippines.
ReplyDeleteand that was a very wise decision.........
DeleteVery wise !
DeleteYes this is grossly unfair That this culture in the ph. exists. My wife came to the UK in sept 2016 and lives with me at home. She only qualified for her visa because I have a disability (visualy impaired) & didn"t need to meet the new £18600 financial requirement . She has a qualification in geriatric care from ph and has been working for 9 months. She must be sending a huge chunk of her earnings to her parents (so she says) because she never has any money at months end because we live with my mum & should be able to save.
DeleteUnfortunately her dad had a stroke in 2014 (which know is true as I visited him in hostpital when I went to philippines & is now disabled himself. She only earns the minimum wage (about £7.25 an hour in UK ) but it's working in a care home and she complains her back & arm hurts. She then had to cut her hours & is doing courswork / exams to get a better grade in her work.
I'm worried because she has to apply for another visa in early 2019 which costs £2,297 in 2017 up from £1,875 last year and dread to think what it will cost in 2018. I paid for her 1st visa but there's no way I can afford this next one as I am still paying off a loan which I got to help pay for her training in philippines as well as living expenses. Even worse is I get some dissability benifits which topup my income as I can"t earn much and they could be drasticaly cut when I have to declare my wifes earnings next tax year.